I just kicked off the Spring 2026 cohort of Coaching Pods for PMI San Diego, where I serve as Mentorship Director. I've spent the last few years thinking deeply about what makes a great mentor — how to facilitate outcome-based pods, how to match mentors and mentees thoughtfully, how to help mentors show up with intention.
And then, somewhere in the middle of completing my PMP recertification, I took a course called Being a Good Mentee — and realized I'd been largely ignoring the other half of the equation.
Not just in the program I run. In my own career.
The "Let's Chat" Mentee
If I'm honest, my default mode as a mentee has always been what I'd call the let's chat approach. No formal agenda. No defined goals. Just a conversation with someone I respected, and whatever came out of it, came out of it.
For someone who is deeply self-directed, this felt fine. Natural, even. I didn't need someone to tell me what to do — I just wanted a thought partner.
And here's the thing: those relationships still served me. I don't regret a single one. But looking back, I can see the gap between what I got and what I could have gotten with more intention behind it.
There was one relationship in particular that crystallized this for me. I had a genuinely great mentor — smart, generous with their time, someone I really clicked with. But they weren't the right mentor for the challenges I was actually facing at that stage. I didn't realize it at the time because I hadn't done the work to identify what I actually needed. I just gravitated toward someone who was available and someone I liked.
That's not mentorship strategy. That's proximity and comfort.
What the Course Reminded Me
The reframe that hit hardest was about preparation — and I don't just mean showing up to a session with talking points.
I mean the preparation that happens before you ever have a first meeting. The work of getting honest with yourself about:
- What stage of my career am I actually in, and where do I want to go?
- What's the specific gap — skill, network, perspective — that a mentor could help me close?
- Who, given all of that, is actually the right person to be in that role right now?
That last question is the one I'd been skipping. And for high-achievers especially — people who are used to figuring things out on their own — this is an easy trap. We underestimate how much leverage the right mentor can provide, so we don't put the same rigor into the selection that we'd put into, say, choosing a vendor or hiring for a role.
What I'm Doing Differently
I'm committing the next six months to practicing what I've been preaching — on the mentee side of the table.
That means actively seeking a mentor for the next stage of my career. Not whoever is nearby. Not whoever I already have a rapport with. Someone chosen with the same intentionality I'd want any mentee in my program to bring to the process.
It means coming to sessions prepared — with a defined goal for the relationship, a sense of what success looks like at the end of it, and an agenda for each conversation that makes the best use of both our time.
And it means being willing to name the gap honestly, even when that's uncomfortable. Especially when that's uncomfortable.
I've spent years helping other people become better mentors. It turns out the work isn't done until I become a better mentee too.
If you're in a mentorship relationship right now — or thinking about seeking one — I'd ask you the same question the course asked me: Have you done the preparation, or have you just shown up?
There's no shame in the answer. I've been showing up for years. But I'm ready to do the prep work.